Managing chronic pain (using tools from acceptance and commitment therapy) - values

Learning to accept all our difficult thoughts, feelings and sensations is with one purpose: to cultivate the life that we want. Establishing your values is a crucial part of this.

So what are values?

Your values inform behaviour and actions. They give our lives meaning and help to determine what we do both in our internal world (thoughts) and external world (actions).

Russ Harris (2019, p213) defines values as an ‘inner compass’ which are ‘our heart’s deepest desires for how we want to behave; how we want to treat ourselves, other people, and the world around us’.

It is easy to confuse values with goals. Think of goals as one-time achievable actions – for example, you may have a goal to bake a cake at the weekend. Your values, which you can decide, would be how you want to bake that cake. Do you want to do it with love and mindfulness? Those would be values.

Sometimes when living with pain or illness, it can be difficult to pursue certain goals as you may not know how you will feel down the line. Values on the other hand can inform how we navigate our here and now life in the context that we find ourselves. Can’t bake that cake at the weekend anymore? No bother! How else can you bring love and mindfulness into your present moment?

The point is that we rely on our pre-decided values for action, rather than on our thoughts and feelings. This is a more intentional way of living.

How do I define my values?

Start by having a think about the kind of person you want to be.

-            How would you want other people to describe you?

-            What qualities do you want to bring to your relationships?

-            How do you want to treat yourself and body?

-            What qualities do you want to bring to periods of pain and difficulty?

-            What really matters to you given the context you are in?

Have a go at making a list of your top five values, and experiment with making choices based on your values for a few days.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. Values are not a stick to beat yourself with, they are a support with which you can be playful and light.

How does this relate to chronic pain or illness?

When life is affected by pain or illness, values may need to be adjusted. The wonderful thing about values is that they can be held lightly, and we can focus on different values depending on our context. For example, if your feelings of pain or illness are not constant but flare up from time to time, you can create values that are accessible for these times.

- How do you want to treat yourself and others when in pain?
- What values will inform how you navigate these periods?
- What values will you need to let go of for a while during difficult periods?

Remember, these are totally upto you and you don’t need to justify them. Deciding your values in advance will save energy – you have already decided the attitude you will be taking when relating to yourself and others, so less time will be needed on making decisions when you may already be fatigued. For example, if your value is one of looking after your body, that value will inform how you treat yourself when in pain – hopefully gently and restfully.

I wish you all the best cultivating your inner compass!
Any questions? Let me know!