The therapy relationship

Research consistently shows that the therapeutic alliance (the bond between therapist and client) is the most important factor contributing to positive outcomes in therapy. This is true across the board, regardless of the type of therapy that you are accessing.

So what is it?

In simple terms, it is the unique relationship between the therapist and the client. The classic image of a therapist-client relationship is one of the client on a couch and the therapist on a chair. In traditional psychoanalysis the therapist would have been seen as the ‘expert’ whose role was to interpret what the client was bringing.

More recently however there has been a shift towards equality, where therapist and client are collaborating to uncover the patterns that may be keeping the client stuck.

According to Joyce and Sills (2018) ‘as soon as [therapist] and client have made the commitment to work together, you are starting to develop the [therapeutic] alliance. This alliance involves the development of an active partnership, a bond of trust in which you share a mutual understanding of your work together and its goals’.

Why is it important?

 Many people are distressed by issues in their relationships. Perhaps the same patterns keep playing out and we are unsure why, or perhaps anxiety is holding us back from being the person that we want to be when relating to others. Some theorists would say that our suffering stems from early relational wounds with our caregivers. Whether or not this is true, it makes sense that if our suffering and distress is manifesting in relationships, then the therapy relationship is a good context to explore the patterns that are leading to outcomes we don’t like. We can start to learn new skills that will create pathways for us towards the life and relationships that we want.

How it helps

Of course, having a therapist who works from a place of compassion and positive regard towards you can be helpful in itself. But the helpfulness of the relationship can extend further than that. Think of the relationship between therapist and client as a microcosm of all your other relationships. The patterns that play out between you and others in your life? They will surely manifest in the therapy relationship too. A therapist can gently point out to you what they are noticing, leading to a collaborative exploration of what could be done differently.

 A couple of tips for clients navigating the therapy relationship

1)     Not happy about something the therapist has done or said? Say it. If a therapist is triggering certain reactions in you, this is fertile ground for exploration. Don’t be afraid to talk about this, the therapist is there in service of you and needs to know if something is not working. Further, it may represent a pattern playing out elsewhere that could be useful to look at.

2)     Actively use the relationship to practise new skills that you want to build in relationship. Do you want to practise the skill of authenticity for example? You could do this by really considering what is being said to you in therapy before either agreeing or disagreeing.

When we start to bring more of ourselves into sessions and practise new skills within this relationship, we see that nothing bad happens (that in fact the connection deepens). This can teach us really valuable lessons about relationships more generally as we begin to learn which relational skills are leading to the connection that we are yearning for.